51: Why you are not alone if you’ve had a stillbirth, miscarriage or loss of a child. With Amy Fritz-organizational coach.
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Multiple miscarriages, infertility, loss, stillbirth, & the loss of a child. These are truly some of a mother’s worst fears, even though they are more common then we think. Even more, they are quite challenging to talk about, to say the least. Because it is often difficult to know how to reach out to people going through tragic loss, moms who are going through it can be left feeling isolated and disconnected in their grief.
Today’s guest, Amy Fritz, organizational coach and mommy, is going to share about the loss of her two twin boys ( after a twin to twin transfusion diagnosis) at 6.5 months and how that abruptly changed the trajectory of her life. Today she bravely and candidly shares about the grief process of losing two babies, one who survived a day postpartum, and how that significantly affected her marriage and career. In fact, this experience led her into entirely new directions in her life she never would have previously imagined.
As a mother of a ten year old, “Asher”, she wants moms to know that there is life beyond loss, as horrible and unimaginable as it is. Now she can be found traveling to places like Sri Lanka and the Maldives and can be found skateboarding with her son in Santa Barbara where she lives and works.
One of the major forks in the road in her life was when decided to leave a longtime job as public school special eduction teacher of 15 years to pursue her real passion for organizational coaching. Now she helps individuals and businesses looking to gain a more minimalist approach in their life to organize their residential and business spaces.
It is mamas like Amy that truly help moms going through loss to realize that not only are they not alone, but there are entire communities of women out their to lift them up. The grief never goes away, but it can certainly get better.
If miscarriage is so common, why aren’t we being versed in it as mamas or talking about it more? Neither Amy or I, felt like we knew what to expect when we miscarried at home.
Amy reflects on the moment she was diagnosed with twin to twin transfusion which means one baby had too much fluid and the other had none.
A moment of foreshadowing around 6 months into her pregnancy when she knew things were really wrong.
The heart wrenching decision Amy and her, then, husband had to make in regards to not resuscitating their twins when they were born under a pound.
Amy recalls the stages of grief, starting with complete shock.
Amy recalls not being properly debriefed on the facts about postpartum depression and anxiety and that she would likely get it after such a traumatic experience.
Shame was a big emotion Amy experienced after the loss of her twins, the demise of her relationship with her husband, and when she was feeling postpartum depression.
Amy reflects on not feeling “all in” about teaching after the loss of her twins, and making the scary life decision to quit her career and face naysayers when she didn’t even have a backup plan.
“I know now I hear stories about babies being born that are same thing, less than a pound and they survive. But with him he wouldn’t have survived, so we had to make the decision to let him go after 24 hours.”
“I remember saying that I wanted to come back at night. I wanted to come back in the dark cause I didn’t want anyone to see me.”
“I almost felt like literally a wild animal that had been wounded. . .you know, lions, where they just take the cub and split.”
“After having my son, it just all came to a head and it made me realize that I didn’t want to be in a job that I wasn’t a hundred percent all in.”
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